How a fraud MBA got married

It was that time of life which a huge majority of Indian guys (read: those without advanced booking) go thru. That time when a bachelor's parents decide that enough is enough and that their lad needs to be put on the leash. And no amount of writ petitions, class action lawsuits, Public Interest Litigations or puppy faces can get you off the hook. The Chief Justice of the House (Read: My Father) passed a law declaring that his lone son had to be domesticated. My mercy appeal to the President (Read: My mother) was summarily dismissed without even so much as a thought.

And, hence it came to pass that my advertisement (Read: Bait) was floated and we (Read: My parents) waited with bated breath for some damsel to bite. Now, the populous country that we are, it was in a jiffy that the bait was taken, hook, line and sinker and one fine day, I found myself seated awkardly in someone's drawing room. I had decided to make full use of my MBA during this interview session. The fraud MBA that I am, I had hit upon a novel idea to finally make use of some of the lakhs I had poured into my post grad education.

I was armed to the teeth with questions which would help me take an informed decision (or so I thought). After the initial round of intros (the damsel was nowhere in sight till now), the damsel's father decided to kick in and grill me. The conversation went something like this:

DF (Damsel's father): So, what do you do?
Me: I work with XXX as an Associate Consultant.
DF: (Looking at me as if I was a Delhi Rikshaw waala about to rob him…I should have put on my Chambal Daaku dress and a fake moustache) Well, what exactly is the nature of your job?
Me: (In my mind - I play chess, marbles, dabba ice-spice and carrom in the office and wait with bated breath for any forward to arrive) (Aloud) I'm involved in end to end development of Complex Financial Services systems for Fortune 500 clients around the world
DF: (Still eyeing me suspiciously as if I had just tried selling him some miracle herb/jadibooti) Ok…Ok…You software guys have it good
Me: <<Smirks>>

After some more desultory conversation, the damsel turns up, bearing a tray of kaande pohe (supposedly prepared by her). I pick up a plate and say thanks while looking at my feet. Now, being the educated and liberal family that the girl belonged too, her ma and pa forced us into an alcove to 'talk things out'. This is what I had prepared for over the past few days and I was determined to show off a few of my MBA skills here. This is how it went:

Me: Good poha. Did you make it?
Damsel: Yes
Me: So, please tell me any incident in your life which you think honed your leadership skills.
Damsel: (In her mind…Are you out of your mind???!!!) I cannot think of anything now
Me: (Slotting into 2nd gear) Tell me two positive and two negative attributes about yourself. What steps have you taken to overcome the negatives?
Damsel: (Looking predictably scandalized) #$$%!@@^& (unintelligible gibberish)
Me: (Mighty pleased that the interview is going well…Decide to go for the best question in my arsenal) If we do get married, where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
Damsel: (What the ****…Who does he think he is) #$$%!@@^&
Me: What value do you intend to bring in this progr…oops relationship? What would be your key takeaways?
Damsel: (Her face contorting like a person's between the moment he realizes that the chair he sat on is absent and the moment he bites the dust) Even more #$$%!@@^&
Me: (Final Gear…I had already abandoned all hopes) How would you leverage your previous experience in this marriage?

Damsel: (For a change, speaks something)What? Bloody psycho…

Thus ends the perfect MBA interview for marriage.

P.S. 1. This is a fictional interview (I swear, cross my heart etc…) Had I done something like this in real life, I would probably be spending time in exotic Yervada prison.

2. I'm married since almost an year now (And NO, my wife's no MBA thankfully)