Saukerl and the art of Riding Jacket Maintenance

I hereby state - Every true blood Bulletier should wear a well washed & fragrant smelling riding jacket, just in case some pretty damsel asks you to take her on a ride to a dark, desert highway. Blame it on my nostrils if you must, but I somehow could not smell the sweat & mud from my riding jacket (Alright, I admit, no pretty damsel asked me to give her a ride even to the neighbourhood tapri joint, forget dark, desert highways). And, one fine day, my wife finally managed to bring to my notice that with my riding jacket on me, I looked like a stray mongrel who has freshly rolled unabashedly in a mixture of the following (in order): mud, slime, sand, vermi-compost pit and (this one takes the cake) the open gutter on Baner road where a bridge is being constructed since the original Star Wars got released (I strongly believe that the bridge will be completed only when Darth Vader meets Lord Krishna)...

Anyways, crux of the matter - Riding jacket dirty. Wash it.

Ingredients (again, in order please) - a spoonful of Surf Excel, 3 & a half Sintex tanks of water (alright, I had only 1 bucket but I replenished it enough number of times to fill up 3 & a half Sintex tanks), me (in Undies and nothing else as there was no one to watch the spectacle unfold... Mind out of the gutter please), a soft scrubbing brush and a construction crane (to lift the jacket once it's wet because it then weighs as much as a fully grown, adult, alpha male Buffalo)

Ideal Procedure:

1. Wet the jacket and spread it on bathroom floor
2. Sprinkle Surf Excel on jacket
3. Gently scrub the jacket
4. Pour the 3 & a half drums of water on the jacket
5. Use the crane to transport jacket to Bay 3, Pod 153 (read: Drying area)
6. After 1 day, take shiny jacket and, with luck, go riding on a dark, desert highway with a desert damsel :-)

What actually happened:

1. The crane never turned up
2. The moment the jacket got wet, it weighed as much as a (yeah, you got it) fully grown, adult, alpha male buffalo. No crane so the humble pig had to grunt (to himself) and lug the jacket around
3. The scrubbing brush promptly got entangled on the jacket's exterior, resulting in my yanking out a few of my own hair and then using my bare fingers to scrub the jacket clean
4. A gazillion years went by and the jacket kept losing weight (of the acquired soil). I managed to get by on the memories of my long rides (you can read a few of those logs on this blog itself)
5. Owing to the absence of the crane, I developed biceps like Arnold's
6. Owing to the squatting on the bathroom floor, I had very wet Undies (I was going to put on a fresh pair anyways, so keep the jokes to yourself)

Good thing: My riding jacket looks brand new and a pretty damsel should get very impressed by it. Of course, I will let you know once that happens (Keep your fingers crossed)

Potentially good thing: I might get a billion dollars (yes, crisp, American Greenback) because I intend to sue the crane guys for mental harassment and undue emotional stress caused by non performance of contracted duties (Article 420 of the Indian Constitution will come to my help).

P.S. The crane guys were probably busy ensuring that the stork had a lot of work to do :-)